Worst Team of the Decade

So, with only a few days and even fewer fixtures left before the decade is out, it seems popular to look back in fondness on those who we’ve witnessed adorn the famous Black and White stripes. However, in an effort to buck the trend and give you a look down an alternative memory lane, I present to you, the long suffering Notts County faithful, the worst Notts side of the decade. Enjoy…

Goalkeeper – Liam Mitchell

This is the only position that I’m not really happy with having to pick. Over the past decade we’ve been relatively blessed with the goalkeepers we’ve had; Kasper, Bart, Roy, Nelson and even, shock, Adam Collin. The unconscious bias argument takes a whole new turn with AC… I’ve gone for Mitchell, firstly, because he isn’t any of the others we’ve had and secondly, I seem to remember an incident with him and a fan whilst he was at Mansfield(?) that was quite unsavoury.

Although, kudos to him for *allegedly* saying he knock Alan Hardy out if he wasn’t paid on time last season whilst at Ilkeston Town.

Right Back – Jude Stirling

What a mountain of a man! Stirling had an outrageous throw on him, but that was about it. He had a turning circle not even a Tug Boat would’ve been envious of. Was seemingly great craic around the dressing room, not so great outside of it.

Left Back – Sean Newton

If the Notts Twittersphere is to be believed, he was signed by Derry on the recommendation of Nottingham Post Notts writer Leigh Curtis. Leigh never was instated as Head of Recruitment – although he’d have done a better job than all round charlatan Guy Branston. Newton came with a decent reputation and could hit a good dead ball but proved to be a particularly poor Derry signing. Last seen playing every single position, as well as being captain, for York City. Note: Closely ran thing with Newton and Civard Sprockel.

Centre Half – Sam Sodje

An utter comedy character whilst at Notts. I remember him getting sent off on the final day of a season and this then maybe scrutinised as part of the Sodje Bro’s betting scandal.

Notable mention to for Martin Allen whipping him on up front a few times to cause havoc. Havoc for the opposition, havoc for Notts. But mind, that lad could jump.

Centre Half – Tom Williams (C)

No description needed. I’ll let you decide what the C stands for.

Honourable mentions; Liam Chilvers, Carl Regan, Andrew Boyce, Taylor Mackenzie and Civard Sprockel.

Centre Midfield – Jon Spicer

Came in along with a raft of ‘good football men/old pro’s’ under Craig Short but was utterly useless. I have simply no idea what he was good or even competent at. A complete nonentity. This decades Ian Hamilton.

Centre Midfield – Hamza Bencheriff

Just one not so fine example of Notts sweeping up ex-Forest academy grads. Like Stirling, Bencheriff was an absolute unit of a man and was equally as versatile. He could do bits at centre half and centre midfield. Probably most remembered for booming massive diagonals into the Pavis Stand from centre half.

Centre Midfield – Mark Fotheringham (VC)

Shithouse. Played in a friendly at Meadow Lane against Galatasaray and was fucking unreal. Completely bossed it. Two days later, he adorned the back page of the Nottingham Post with the quote, “Let’s go up as Champions!”

First game of the season, Sheffield United away, he piled in for the final 20 minutes, we lost 2-1 and at the final whistle he tried to blame the referee in front of the travelling Notts fans. It was the moment I knew he didn’t have anything about him. Absolutely shit therefore after but bizarrely ended up signing for Fulham… must have a great agent.

Honourable mentions; Ismael Demontagnac, Scot Bennett, Julian Jenner, Luke Hubbins and Lewis Golbern.

Striker – Enoch Showunmi

Scored an absolute belter in the aforementioned Sheffield United game. Had Harry Maguire on toast. Toast. Had a song about the size of his wang. Has two degrees and is often cited as a ‘clever footballer’. Couldn’t hit a cows arse.

Striker – Ben Burgess

Another of the Spicer ‘job lot’ signings. Could barely move. Seemed to be forever injured. Seem to remember he even played centre half at one stage? Career path;

Premier League

Notts County

Primary School Teacher

Meadow Lane – The strikers graveyard.

Striker – Kevin Smith

Who? Exactly.

Honourable mentions; Sean Canham, Leroy Lita, Jacob Blyth, Njogu Demba-Nyren and Jeremy Balmy.

 

There you have it folks, my own personal run at Notts’ worst team of the decade. Obviously, this side is managed by Jamie Fullarton and the club is owned by Alan Hardy.

Just remember, Tom Williams now plays football for the internet…